More on Embracing Feminine Power

Looking for this guy? If so, embracing your feminine power is a good place to start. There’s a balance to everything in nature, they say. A yin to the yang – and he’s pretty masculine.

So much can be said on the subject of femine power, and I’m so passionate about it. I’d say it’s a safe bet you’ll be hearing yet more from me on this in the next few weeks but for now, here’s this:

Part of what I do to be the best Women’s Empowerment Coach I can be, is to constantly read and study information to not only improve myself, but to improve my clients and their lives as well. Shortly after writing my last article, I came across a few things having to do with feminine power that I’d like to expound on.

First of all, ladies, do you realize that in most cultures men treat women as if they have all the power in choosing the man they want in their life? The example I heard used was in Italy. In this country, I think that along with taking on the masculine role so heavily, we’ve also given up our power of choice. We see the man, we pursue the man, we might even buy the man dinner. I’m inviting you to find another perspective with me here today and reclaim some of your personal, feminine power. 

This mind-set was a tough one for me to shake in the beginning, but I think it’s a very important first step in embracing our femininity. We all know that men love the chase, right? So, let  him chase you! I’m not proposing that we play “hard to get”. Playing at anything never works. It just makes you seem fake, and believe me, a man will sense it.

What I AM proposing, is let him call you up and ask you out. In fact, insist on it. Then let him pay. (That was the really hard one for me, but believe me ladies, he’ll either respect you for it more, or he’ll weed himself out as being the kind of masculine guy who wants nothing more than to make you happy. Remember that important point from my last article?).

The next thing I came across was an article by Jonathon Aslay entitled: “How to be the ‘Lady’ Every Gentleman Wants”.  (I’ll give you the link at the bottom of this article in case you want to read it in whole).

In this article, Jonathon makes some very important points. Such as:

If a gentleman is expected to open doors, walk on the inside of the curb, pull out chairs and pay for dinners, then what should be expected of a lady in exchange?

I think this is a very fair question. If we want to reclaim our feminine power and be treated like a lady, we have to learn how to let the man be a man.  We can’t go on doing things the same old way we used to and expect men to treat us differently than they do now.

First of all, allowing a man to “woo” you, allowing him to be the masculine in a relationship, ups his respect for you. Another good point Jonathon makes is this:

… if you want something different, like an exclusive commitment, then it is your job as the woman to set the standards for that new relationship from the very beginning… If you’re looking for a relationship ready man who is a keeper, then you need to be a keeper yourself…A lady commands respect and carries herself as such…A woman who knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated is incredibly attractive…

These are the types of things that inspire comments like, “guys always go for bitches”. Setting boundaries for yourself and the man in your life, does not a “bitch” make, it’s simply part of exercising your femininity and stepping into your feminine power. Here’s a very, very important thought: if you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect a man to? Have you ever heard the saying, “you teach people how to treat you?” It’s never more true than in a love relationship.

If you want a man to respect you, you must demand respect. You don’t have to a bitch to do so. Simply stating what you do and don’t want is a great start. Of course the most important part of that, is knowing what you don’t want.

So ladies, do you know what you want your relationship to look like? If not, I invite you to start thinking about it now. I began by writing down a list of characteristics that I desire in a man – not having anything to do with looks, mind you. Characteristics are things such as: morals, family values, personality traits (compatible sense of humor was on my list), intelligence, etc. Getting clear on what you want is a great first step if you’re not already in a relationship. For those of you who are involved with a man, take a look at him and see how he measures up to your ideal mate. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you find. (If not, call me up and I’ll see what I can do to help you).

Another very important aspect of femininity (and happiness) is authenticity, i.e. “being happy in your own skin, or self acceptance.” Jonathon puts it this way:

She is honest and upfront with the men she chooses to date, and she sets clear boundaries …She alone dictates how a relationship ready man is to treat her and how their relationship will progress on her terms…Most importantly, she’s not afraid to let a man walk away if he can’t give her want she wants…   

I’ve already touched on authenticiy some and there’s so much to say on the subject. You have to get to know yourself to be authentically you. That’s a big part of the reason I’m here, is to help you get to know the real you, so there will be more on this topic. For now, start with deciding what you want, learn to say “no” to what you don’t want, and make up that list of characteristics!

The most important part though, is to be willing to walk away from a man who just can’t give you what you want. I’m referring here to single ladies; if you’re already married, don’t make any rash decisions. Your happiness starts with you. Make sure you’re cultivating that and not depending on a man to “make you happy” before making any life-altering decisions. Please.

As for walking away, I used to treat every relationship as if I was already married and had to make it work. I would look at all the time I’d already invested in the relationship and it made it very hard to walk away. In my current relationship, I’ve made it very clear that what I want is what I want. There are some things I’m willing to compromise on, but for the most part, if he’s simply not able to give me what I want, he’s not the guy for me.

This may seem like a very hard-nosed way to come at it, but believe me… if you’re with a guy who truly wants to make you happy, there won’t be tons of compromise. I only compromise on the things that he really cannot give me. For now, what he can’t give me is simply what he can’t give me right now, with the agreement that it will be offered when he’s able. In the past, in compromising on the things a man simply didn’t want to do for me left me feeling just that, “compromised”. Which led to resentment, then to the break up and mourning over all the wasted time. Let’s not do that to ourselves anymore. Pinky swear?  

Alright, in wrapping things up,here are a few last valid points Jonathon made in his article:

A lady allows a man to be a man. Men are very ego-driven. We may get into bar fights because of our egos, but we also fall in love because of our egos. We know we’re not perfect, but having the support of a woman who appreciates us anyways and values us as the man we have become really helps validate us as men. A real lady doesn’t insult her man when he messes up or does something wrong. Instead, she reinforces to him how strong he is, how smart he is or how competent he is at the things he does do right.

The point here, for me, is not to let a guy get away with treating you poorly, but to take your focus off of the things he’s doing “wrong” in your opinion (again, this does not include treating you poorly), and to not keep bringing it up to him.  If he didn’t take out the trash, don’t nag him about it. Don’t do it yourself, either. Try telling him “it would make me really happy if you’d take out the trash,” or even, “I don’t want to take out the trash.” Try this for a week and see what happens.

Also, try a little positive reinforcement and gratitude. Concentrate more on what he’s doing “right”; on what he’s doing that does make you happy and be sure to let him know. It can be as simple as, “I like it when you ….”.

The most important thing here works in your favor two-fold:

1) When you start looking for what you have to be grateful for (and all of us have something), you find more things to be happy for. It ups your happiness quotient.

2) When you start letting him know what makes you happy, he’ll do more of it.

It’s much like giving him the blueprint to your happiness. If you’re nagging and complaining, you’re giving him the blueprint to what doesn’t make you happy. Doesn’t it make more sense to give a man the blueprint to what does?

One last quote:

If you want a gentleman, then you need to be the lady a gentleman rightfully deserves…

As he needs to be the gentleman you deserve. Remember though, change starts with you. You cannot keep doing the same things that haven’t been working, or expecting him to change if you’re not willing to. Just goes back to what I’ve been saying about your feminine power, doesn’t it? It’s just a little twist on the important point: You deserve to be treated well!!!

As promised, here’s the link to Jonathon’s article:

Chivalry is not dead. Or at least it doesn’t have to be if you know how to cultivate it. Class dismissed. Haha


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